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How to Cope?

#1 User is offline   Crafter 

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Posted 30 January 2012 - 05:05 AM

Hi, I know that I have been more like a ghost as of late, hardly posting. I'm going through a difficult time right now and need some support or answers as to how have you coped with the loss of loved ones. I had to call 911 on my father because he wasn't breathing properly. The ambulance came and took him to the hospital. It's been a week since he's been there. Yesterday, the doctor called and wanted to hold a family meeting today. My father only has one lung. He had the other one removed because of cancer. Yet he still smoked after his lung was removed, fortunately he stopped. He had put his body through hell, now when me, my mother, and other family had a sit down, I discover he isn't doing too good. He had to be strapped down to prevent him from tearing out the tubes. I stood there and watched as he shook his head left and right and thrashed about. It's only a matter of time now. His heart is strong, but his other organs are shutting down. I'm praying he makes it. I have to accept that I may lose my father. Hospice is going to come and talk with us. I need to know how you have coped with the loss of a loved one? Thank you for taking the time to read this. It means a lot. This forum is my cyber home. Sorry for sounding corny.
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#2 User is offline   s0me-kind-0f-m0nster 

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Posted 30 January 2012 - 08:58 AM

The only real thing you can do is come to terms with it.
Accept that its a part of life, and while it will be hard to deal with is enevitable.

I lost my mum back in 2004, the woman quite literally saved my life taking custity of me when I was 5.
She had been sick for quite some time and was always in and out of the hostpial "on her death bed" the doctors would say, but always managed to pull through.
The last time she went into the hospital before passing, I hd a terrible feeling in my stomach all night (I worked midnights at the time)
When we got the call she was back in the hosptial I just kinda said to myself this is it...shes not going to make it this time.

It didn;t make it any easier, Losing her was the hardest thing I ever went though, but accepting the fact that it is just the natural occurance of life, that it was beyond my control and that she had led a full happy life lessened the ache.

I feel for you man, I really do its never easy...man 8 years later I still get misty eyed when I think of her and all she did for me.

The only real thing I did was besides acceptance was listen to a song over and over again.
It was "our" song, well my song for her since it fity us so perfectly.
My mum was devotely catholic, strong belief in God, me?....not so much, the song is Into my arms by Nick Cave.

Have a listen to it, maybe it will resonate with you too

You have my sympathies and my thoughts let me know if there is anything I can do to help
People spend one day a year pretending to be monsters...
Me?
I've spent my entire life pretending I'm not one....
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#3 User is offline   Lee 

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Posted 30 January 2012 - 09:08 AM

Crafter,
First of all, I'm sure I speak for the rest of the Pit here as well, all the love, best wishes and prayers to you, your family and your Dad.
My Dad was rushed into hospital a few weeks ago with suspected kidney failure, he had dozens of tests done to him, have several drips inserted into him and scans and x-rays, but now, thankfully, he has been allowed home. His lifestyle has had to change, and the medication he is now on is gigantic.
At one point, it was looking very bad, we all thought that he wasn't going to make it, and I, like yourself, had to accept the fact that he might not make it. It is the worst realisation anybody can ever have and the only thing that helped me through that stage, was memories! I know it sounds cliched, but it is totally true! We all started talking about things that had happened in our childhood with my Dad, all things that made us smile, made us laugh, and also things that made us think hard. Things that at the time, when we thought our Dad was being strict, or mean, when in fact, he was just looking out for us, or protecting us, making us the adults we are today.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, at the end of the day, if you do unfortunately lose your Dad, nobody can ever take your memories away from you, you will always have them there, ready to watch in your head whenever you want, and in those memories, your Dad will always be there with you, forever.
Keep strong mate, and always remember that we the Pit are always here for you.
"Hey Bub! Wanna learn how to shoot? You puss brain bag of shit!"
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#4 User is offline   Craig 

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Posted 30 January 2012 - 02:39 PM

Crafter, I am really sorry to hear about what you're going through. My prayers go out to you, your family and your Dad. Try and be strong, and take it day by day mate.
You Can't Kill The Boogeyman
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#5 User is offline   Crafter 

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Posted 31 January 2012 - 10:27 PM

At 7:20 this morning my father passed away. He's no longer suffering. He was very ill, he was the type of guy who loved to help everyone else but not himself. He never went to the doctor's appointments, it's as if he stopped fighting. Me and my family are trying to set up funeral arrangements. I'm happy he's not in pain anymore. Thank you everyone for your kind words.
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#6 User is offline   Craig 

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Posted 31 January 2012 - 10:37 PM

Crafter, I am so sorry to hear about your father passing away. My prayers go out to you and your family.
You Can't Kill The Boogeyman
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#7 User is offline   Lee 

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Posted 02 February 2012 - 09:00 AM

Deepest sympathies mate, stay strong.
"Hey Bub! Wanna learn how to shoot? You puss brain bag of shit!"
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